Akabara
by ForgetfulDaffodil
Summary: Sasori wasn't what one would call 'responsible', he only cares for himself. His grandmother leaving a sixteen year old in his care wasn't the best decision a sane person would ever make, he was contemplating sending her back to that retirement home, he's sure Ebio-jiji misses her.
1. Chapter 1

Akabara

Chapter One: The Thorn In His Side

Sabaku Gaara, a name feared in the city of Suna.

He was fearsome, ruthless, and cruel, the red head with the prettiest, coldest turquoise eyes anyone has ever seen, the rumor mill around him is that he's completely unstable.

His father could not control him, he was just too dangerous to have around. As the mayor of Suna, Sabaku Rasa couldn't have a son that could destroy his career. He sent his youngest away to a woman named Akasuna Chiyo, a descendent of Suna's founding family. He felt she would be able to straighten him out or at the very least keep him out of the papers during his re-election, Chiyo, on the other hand was a very busy woman with her own agenda and pushed off the responsibilities of her new charge to her grandson, Sasori.

Akasuna Sasori is another red head with hazel eyes, he is the artistic sort, impatient, and naturally condescending towards others. With such a combination it could only spell disaster for all involved.

. . . . .

''You'll do this for you're favorite grandmother, won't you Sasori?" Chiyo grinned evilly.

Sasori stared blandly at the woman for a long time before giving a slow blink. "No.''

He attempted to shut the door in her face. Chiyo moved too quickly for a woman of sixty three, grabbing the door she pushed against it until she forced Sasori to open it, knocking him flat on his back.

''Dammit you old bat! Why the hell are you so strong?''

''Pilates.'' She sneered.

''...Is this about putting you in that home?'' Sasori deadpanned. ''Is this revenge or something?''

'' ' _Sunny Suna Retirement home for the elderly and disabled?'_ '' She spat. ''Honestly Sasori did you believe you would be unscathed after a foolish mistake like that?''

''I admit it was a bit far, but you did send me to that private school in Iwa.'' Sasori stood from the floor, dusting his jeans off.

''You weren't listening to me, there was only so much I could _make_ you do.'' She shrugged.

''That's because you lied to me my _whole_ life you senile hag!''

''I only lied to protect you.'' She replied.

''From what?'' Sasori grumbled. ''I was the one hurting myself.''

Chiyo's face softened. ''I know dear, You have been through enough as is.'' She pat his cheek. ''That's why're perfect for this! You can help him.''

''That psychotic brat doesn't need _protecting_ , everyone needs to be _protected_ from _him_.'' Sasori drawled.

''Now, now Sasori the company you keep is not your average everyday crazy person. You have a bunch of reclusive, potential PTSD patients for friends, and you don't even call them your friends.'' Chiyo shook her head.

'' _Squad_ means a large group of friends now grandmother.''

''Whatever.'' She scoffed. ''Will you help me or what?''

''Didn't Rasa-teme ask _you_ to watch over his brat? I'm confident that he doesn't want me to have a hand in how his kid will be in the near future.''

''I don't _report_ to him.'' Chiyo scoffed. ''Besides, he dosen't want to know about anything, all he cares about is this up coming election.''

''Ugh.'' Sasori groaned. ''Why now of all times, that kid can't act right in public.''

''You're speaking as if he's a toddler.'' Chiyo raised an eyebrow.

''A sixteen year old _is_ a toddler.''

''You were a handful at that age.''

''I didn't have to raise myself.'' Sasori pointed out.

''That's true.''

''And what about all that crap you used to shove down my throat about responsibilty and if you make a promise you need to uphold that promise.''

''Oh that? That's just crap parents give children in hopes that they'll grow up to be better people than they are.''

''... Well, that didn't work out.''

''...'' Chiyo raised an eyebrow. ''So?''

''Take care of you're own damn responsiblities you withered old bag!''

''Is that anyway to speak to the woman who slaved hours on end to take care of you? To give you everything you ever wanted?''

''What? You're a _trust fund baby!_ You never worked hard a day in you're life! The maids fed me and we never once struggled to pay our bills! We _always_ had toilet paper, I made a castle out of tissue and we _still_ had a role for all _six_ bathrooms. What shit are you spouting!'' Sasori's right eye started to tick.

''...Well, That's true.'' She chuckled and scratched the back of her head. ''Besides, he's getting his stuff out of the trunk so he should be up here by now anyway.'' She opened the front door and there was a red head with a bored look in his eyes.

''Have fun!'' Sasori looked back to see his grandmother already back in her limo. ''Good luck grandson, I'll call to check on you two later.''

''Y-you... Get back here you lazy old hag!'' He yelled at the retreating limo. ''I'm not mentally stable enough to care for some brat! Hey!''

He sighed in frustration. ''Dammit all.'' He glanced back at the kid behind him.

''I guess you're stuck with me for now,'' Sasori re-entered his house, Gaara right behind him. ''Come on.''

''Living room, kitchen, downstairs bath, basement is that way.'' Sasori spoke quickly as he dragged the boy behind him up the stairs. ''Upstairs bath, guest room.''

''This is my studio room; stay out of it, that goes for my room as well. And this is you're room, you have a closet, a bed, and a window. You'll only see suburban styled houses, with skinny mothers neglecting their children, overpriced cars and egos. Don't be surprised if they turn their noses up at you, I just ignore them or you can just tell me and I'll have some friends break into their homes when they're gone.'' Sasori waved his hand fillipantly.

Gaara blinked slowly at him.

''Did you get all that?''

Blink.

''Perfect,'' He turned and gave a backwards wave. ''Extra sheets and crap are in that closet next to you. Don't bug me unless you're dying or something!''

As afternoon blended into evening Sasori sat in the living room, stretched across the armrest of his favorite chair. 'I feel like I forgot something.' He yawned and twisted around in the chair. 'Was it important?'

He nearly fell off the chair in shock. ''What the...Why the hell are you standing in the dark like that?'' The younger redhead was just standing in the hallway, not moving an inch.

'Why is he glaring at me?' It was hard to tell since he didn't have any eyebrows, but Sasori was pretty sure he was being glared at. ''Are you hungry? We cook for ourselves in this house.''

Glare.

''What? You can't cook or something?''

Silence.

''I guess that's what happens when parents don't teach their kids shit.'' He sighed lightly.

Glare intensifies. ''I'm not hungry, I just don't like you.''

Slightly shocked by the deep rasp in his voice. 'Disuse? Doesn't talk much then, huh.'

''Oh, you do talk! I thought you just hissed, spat, and tried to stab people with knives.'' Sasori scoffed and slouched back into his chair. ''Is that all?''

The only answer was another glare.

''You know,'' He started conversationally. ''You're old man said the same thing to me when we first met, except I said he looked constipated. Apparently that was just his resting face.'' He drawled.

He watched as the younger boy tense and grind his teeth together.

'That's really bad for the teeth.' Sasori thought absently. 'So, Rasa is a sore spot for him? Why would she make me watch a bratty kid with daddy issues?! My dad was awesome, so was my mom.'

''I'm nothing like him.'' He hissed roughly.

''I never said that.'' A smirk started to form on Sasori's face.

Gaara's hand started to twitch.

''Welp!'' Sasori jumped up and stretched, hands in the air. ''It's time for bed, food's in the fridge.''

He skipped up the stairs, leaving his house guest to fend for himself.

. . . . .

That night after Sasori fell into a fitful sleep he felt something tapping on his shoulder, he pushed whatever it was away and groaned curling away from the stupid thing trying to wake him up. Without warning his precious cover was snatched from him.

''Ugh!'' He blinked blearily up at the blank eyed redhead. ''What. the hell. do. you. want?'' Sasori was sorely tempted to hit him with his pillow.

''I think he's dead.''

...

''Wait... wha?'' He rubbed the spot in between his eyes. ''What?''

Gaara cocked his head to the side like some cute psychotic puppy. ''I think. he's. dead.'' He anuciated.

''Wait rewind, I feel like a part of this conversation is missing. Who do you think is dead?''

''Someone entered the house while I was downstairs-'' He started.

''Why were you downstairs, It's like...'' He looks at his phone. ''Two in the morning.''

Gaara glared. ''It doesn't matter.''

''Were you speaking to you're demon god? You can't call collect, I don't want you running up my phone bill.''

Gaara tsked.

''The robber latched onto me and I grabbed the nearest thing and hit him on the head with this...twice.'' He said 'twice' as an afterthought.

He showed me the cat statuette. ''Granny's cat, She's gonna be pissed.''

Now that Sasori thought about it. ''Is there blood on my floor?!'' He bolted from his bed and down the stairs. He had cherry red floors and he didn't want them to be ruined.

''Did you check to see if he was dead?'' He asked.

''Should I have?'' Gaara shuffled behind him.

"I suppose not.'' Sasori saw a crumpled form near the kitchen entrance.

''Wait, Deidara?!'' He walked over to the body and checked his pulse. ''He's not dead at least.''

''You know him?'' Gaara asked.

''He's a longtime friend, can you get some ice. I'll go get him some pain pills.'' Sasori shuffled over to the bathroom.

When he returned he saw Gaara with the whole bag of ice, the two red heads stood over the newly revealed, Yamanaka Deidara.

''Dumbass, I told him to give me my key back, he must have made a copy.'' Sasori tsked.

''Oi! Wake up!'' He kicked his foot. ''Get some water and dump it on him.''

''Why me?'' Gaara rasped.

''You hit him, If he dies from head trauma it's on you.'' Sasori drawled.

''This is you're house.'' He replied.

''Just get the damn water.'' Gaara glared, then swiftly turned and went into the kitchen. Sasori pulled out a mat from the downstairs closet, he didn't want _anything_ to mess up his floors. Sasori was pushing him onto the mat when Gaara returned with the glass of water.

''Ah well, you can throw it on him now.'' Gaara dumped the whole thing on the blonde's head.

He jolted up, gasping and clutching the back of his head. ''What the hell Sasori, why did you hit me?!''

''I didn't hit you.''

''I did.'' Gaara glared.

''...Who the hell are you?'' Deidara whipped his head around to Sasori. ''Is this you're new boyfriend? Did you move on already?! With some _kid_?!''

Sasori rolled his eyes at the hysterical blonde. ''And if I did? Don't you have you're own apartment? with you're own boyfriend?''

''I'm not talking to him.'' He pouted and crossed his arms.

''You see this guy here Gaara, he's only two years older than you. Don't grow up to be like him.'' Sasori pointed to the blonde menace.

''I have no intention of doing so.''

Sasori nodded, satisfied. ''I guess I' am teaching you something.''

''That's not nice!'' Deidara wailed. ''And my head hurts~!''

''Take those.'' Sasori handed him a couple pain pills and tossed the bag of ice at him. ''With that done I'm going to bed, night.''

''But...!'' Deidara jumped up and trotted after Sasori. ''I wanna stay with you.''

Sasori twirled around and drop kicked him. ''I sleep alone and there's no way in hell I'm sleeping with _you_.''

They were interrupted by a knock on the door. All three looked at each other, before another round of knocks on the door came.

''Do people come to you're house in the middle of the night often?''

Was he being judged?! By someone who creeps in shadows and has zero hair on his face.

''At least a few times a week.'' He sniffed.

''Who the hell is that?! Is that you're new man?'' the blonde started screaming.

''Dei?'' Deidara froze.

''Oh, Kisame came to get you.'' Sasori slid around the boisterous blonde.

''Don't let him in!'' Deidara tackled him to the floor. ''He's been cheating on me!''

''Isn't that what you came over here for?'' Sasori kicked him in the face. ''Gaara open the door!''

Gaara stood watching them from a corner. ''Why should I?''

''If you don't, Kisame will leave and we'll have to look at this whiney bastard all night.''

''We could always kill him.'' He shrugged.

''How cruel~,'' Dei whined. ''Why is he so mean?''

''We _don't_ want you here!'' Sasori pried Deidara off his leg.

''Why~?"

''Sasori? Open the door.''

''Kisame? Learn to keep this asshat in line!'' Then Sasori turned to Gaara. ''Would you _please_ open the door?''

Gaara blinked then turned towards the front door.

"No!''

Deidara jumped up to grab the teen, Gaara tensed then swung around and gave two quick jabs to his face. ''Don't touch me.''

''That's what you get dumbass.'' Sasori slowly stood off the floor.

''What the hell happened?'' Kisame rushed through the front door the moment Gaara opened it.

''I have a new guard dog and Deidara tried to pet him.'' Sasori shrugged.

''That bastard attacked me twice!'' Deidara spat.

''Twice each time.'' Sasori hummed. ''You like the number two?''

''..."

"If you're done Dei, let's go."

"NO, you're cheating on me with that weasel faced bastard!"

"No I'm not." Kisame shrugged.

"Isn't Itachi dating that famous model Yuki Haku from Kiri?" Sasori yawned.

"Yeah."

"You jackass! You spend all you're time with him." Deidara hissed.

"They're partners at the agency, what would you expect?" Sasori scoffed.

From the corner of his eye he saw Gaara going upstairs. 'Lucky brat...'

"Besides, Itachi and Kisame are not attracted to eachother. Itachi has a very weak spot for cute and soft things." Sasori gestured to Kisame. "He's too rough and masculine for Itachi's taste."

"But-" Sasori shoved them both out the door and shut it in their faces, locking it with finality.

"Now back to my precious bed." He shuffled up the stairs.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry for the sluggish update, I always feel bogged down during winter... spring fever is where I draw my energy. ~Sigh~**

* * *

 **Chapter Two: Withered**

* * *

The kid didn't do much other than skulk around corners. He didn't get phone calls from family nor friends, maybe they didn't know his number?

But wouldn't a sixteen year old boy give their friends their cellphone number? Sasori hadn't seen him use it to call or text, or at all really. The guy hardly even ate nor did he go out and Sasori was starting to wonder if the kid was close to anyone.

"Hey Kid," He called over to the sulky figure. "Wanna go shopping for food?"

"... Don't you have people for that?"

"No." Sasori scoffed.

"Why would you buy you're own food?"

"Why would you let a stranger buy you're food?"

"..." He cocked his head to the side. "I suppose that is logical."

"Let's go." He grabbed his jacket and tossed Gaara his.

Gaara followed after him silently.

. . . . .

Sasori had found out during the car ride to the store that Gaara was a fan of rock, the band Cottonmouth, and he liked listening to jazz. He glared Sasori down when he tried to change the radio.

Sasori would normally ignore his childish displays of anger, but he was driving and his face was open. He wasn't going to take the chance of Gaara attacking him or just pulling out a knife, Sasori learned this morning he liked to play with knives.

He was sure he had one with him now, there was an empty spot in his knife holder and he didn't see it in the sink or any of the drawers.

Then he saw the carvings in Gaara's bed post and they were... graphic to say the least. Sasori knew at that moment he was housing a mass serial murderer in the making.

"Do you have a list?"

Sasori glanced at the boy. "What do you mean?"

"The maids would have a list of what they needed to get."

"I don't really need one, I know what I need to get."

Gaara stared at him for a beat, then looked back out the window. "For someone who lived in one of Suna's _most_ respected and prestigious families, you are very independent."

"Why wouldn't I be? I'm a grown man."

"You're still odd."

'This coming from someone who throws knives at the wall.' the elder redhead thought grumpily.

"We're here!" Sasori exclaimed.

"This is a 'grocery store'?" Sasori raised an eyebrow.

"It's not like we need to go to a super store or anything. We just need a few items like: eggs, milk, butter-you know simple stuff."

Gaara just stared at him.

And stared.

And stared.

Now this was getting awkward.

"M'kay, let's go in." He turned the car off and exited the car.

The air outside was hot and sweltering, yet Gaara was wearing a hoodie with a cracked skull on the back. Wasn't he hot?

"Aren't you hot?"

"No." Guess not.

The rest of the trip was uneventful, Gaara asking questions here and there. Sasori showed him that the price didn't always gurantee the quality and how to differentiate between spoiled and ripe foods.

. . . . .

When he returned home he was surprised to see two teenagers standing in front of his house looking through his windows.

"Who are you and what the hell are you doing?" He glared. "Scratch that, who the hell cares who you are, I'm about to kick you're asses."

"They're my siblings." He looked to his fellow redhead in question.

"Gaara!" The dirty blonde haired girl with four ponytails, exclaimed happily. "We were looking for you."

"Yeah, we haven't seen you in three weeks and we were getting worried." The brown haired boy glanced at Sasori. "I can't believe you're staying with Sasori-senpai."

Sasori's face twitched.

"Kankuro is you're number one fanboy." The girl snorted.

"Temari shut up!" The boy defended.

Sasori just walked away and entered his home, he wasn't in the mood to entertain children. He completely ignored the fact that he's never liked kids.

* * *

 **Finished.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Surprise Second Update! Cause why not? Because I felt like it and this white chocolate toasted marshmallow cocoa is amazing~.**

* * *

 **Chapter Three: Budding**

It has been three days and Gaara's siblings were _still here_.

They won't _leave_!

He's tried everything in his largely intelligent and creative mind to get them _out_.

He has terrorized Kankuro, he planted bright green hair dye in Temari's shampoo. Then he started making their things disappear and made them uncomfortable. They were like a boil on someone's ass, their constant co-existence in his house was _painful_ and _irritating_.

As a loner this was killing his already black soul with their cheerful, blissful familal reunion. With it's hugs, laughs, and reminesence and just the general brightness of it all.

Ugh. Someone had to go and he was contemplating kicking all three of them out.

Just this morning he was about to enter his bathroom when he saw Kankuro _brushing. His. Teeth._ They were slowly intergrating themselves into his house!

Temari's shoes were scattered all throughout the house, she left her make up and hair products all over the bathroom vanity, he found black lace underwear in his dryer. Then he found out they were Kankuro's, he didn't ask and he didn't want to understand how or why he had them.

The moment he snapped was the evening of the fourth day, he came downstairs to watch tv in his favorite chair. The very moment he stepped through the threshold of the living room Sasori froze in the doorway, there was Temari sitting in _his chair_ , her feet hanging over the edge as she flipped through a girl magazine.

"Why the hell are you in my chair?"

"What?" Temari looked up.

"Get out of my chair."

"What the hell are you talking about?" She clicked her tongue.

"I said get you're skinny blonde white ass out of _my chair_." He growled.

"Who the hell are you talking to?" Temari growled.

"I worked hard for this _house_ , _my chair_ , and to _live in peace_. You spoiled little bastards need to flock on and hang out somewhere that's not here, I'm sick of looking at your faces everywhere I turn! _Go. Home!_ " Okay, so maybe he hadn't worked _all_ his life or _that_ hard since he is a reformed criminal, but that was beside the point! He couldn't stand children, they were messy, lazy, whiny, and just downright disrespectful! If he wanted to live with Deidara or Hidan then he would have, but he didn't because he cannot stand the ass hats.

"What's his damage?" Kankuro frowned and looked between his siblings.

"That's it! Get you're asses the hell out of my house! All of you, out!"

No one moved.

"Dude, chill out." Kankuro scoffed.

"Who gives a damn about you're chair." Gaara rasped.

" _Get out." They continued to ignore him, Sasori gritted his teeth and bowed his head._

He stomped his way upstairs and into his room.

He wasn't called 'The Scorpion of The Akatsuki' just because of his namesake, he was more than dangerous and people knew not to cross him. These three were about to get _stung_ , they _will_ learn the meaning of _fear_.

Fear in his name.

When he came downstairs again they appeared to have been snickering about something. Gaara was the first to notice his reappearance and stared at him. Temari and Kankuro noticed him around the same time, the latter frowned while the former raised an eyebrow.

"Done with you're diva meltdown?" She laughed.

"It seems you three don't know who I' am."

Silence.

"Aren't... you Akasuna Sasori?" Kankuro drawled.

"You're father didn't take the steps to educate you, I ' _am_ an ex-con and a very dangerous one at that. I had given up that lifestyle to live peacefully... by myself, until you rodents dropped in and decided to overrun my house with your _filth and over privilleged disrespect_."

He slowly lifted his head his hazel eyes brightly displaying the insanity in them. He pulled out what appeared to be a rifle.

The Sand Siblings tensed up. "Now, since I'm _so nice_ , I decided _not_ to use a _real_ gun."

He cocked the heavy duty toy gun the moment the kids tried to run.

He aimed true, hitting Temari in the leg, making her fall, before letting loose on all three.

The home was filled with pain filled cries and manic laughter.

Rasa-baka needed to come get his damn spawns! He wasn't a babysitter, there was no way in hell he was raising someone else's half grown smug, arrogant bastards.

By the time he ran out of ammunition he felt as if all the stress of the previous days had left his body. So he made him some tea and sat in his chair and watched his favorite programme.

Sasori blissfully ignored the groans of agony in the hallway.

* * *

 **Now before anyone can try to scream 'Child abuse' or anything like that, I would just like to point out the age of consent in Japan is fourteen, Coca Cola used to put _actual Cocaine_ in their soda, and a woman got away with killing 650 girls back in the olden days of Hungary-and no she didn't drink nor bathe in their blood no matter _what_ Wiki says.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four: Freshly Cut**

* * *

Gaara and his siblings had been gone for a week and Sasori almost cried when he heard complete and utter silence. He went downstairs into his hall and dropped a pin onto the hardwood floors and enjoying the echo that resounded. As he took in the beautiful peace he looked down to get the pin, realising he couldn't find it he vaccumed the whole floor.

While they were gone food was in his fridge, his house was clean, and life was as it should have been. Sasori returned to his work and walked around in his silk pajamas pants.

The week had been absolutely blissful and now Sasori was going out with his friends, The Akatsuki, to their favorite club in Suna called 'Sunrise'. They laughed, picked on Deidara, got into a fist fight with each other and was so drunk Itachi was the only one sober enough to get everyone home safely at two in the morning.

As Sasori was ambling his way up to his porch, he stopped suddenly and squinted his eyes. There was _something_ on his porch and he could just barely make out the form huddled up on a wicker bamboo chair. Which he needed to get rid of since the were out of season, he just wasn't sure what to replace it with yet. Should it be a wooden bench with seat cushions or a couch swing? Hm, so many choices.

He stumbled up the stairs and squinted again.

"Wha..? Gaara?"

The boy was huddled up on the chair, he really needed to get rid of them in all honesty and sweep his porch, using is jacket for warmth.

"You're back." Was his response.

"How long have you been there?!"

"Three hours."

"...Why?" Was the only thing he could say.

"My father dropped me off here."

Sasori ran his hand through his hair. "Why didn't you call him back when you saw I wasn't here?"

"..."

Sasori sighed, opening the front door and letting the boy in.

"You hungry? Three hours is a long time to be waiting in the cold."

Gaara shrugged.

"What do you feel like?"

Gaara shrugged again.

"I'm sure you want something..."

"..."

"How about we just make cookies, I want something sweet." Gaara followed him into the kitchen.

* * *

The next morning Sasori woke up before Gaara, this was strange since Gaara was an early riser and often woke before him. It's not like Sasori tried to get up early in the morning anyway.

So, Sasori knocked on his door... and recieved no response, not really suprising. The redhead decided to enter the room anyway and frowned at the boy's huddled figure on the large queen sized bed.

"Hey," He tried to see his face, but it was hidden under the cover. "You alive?"

No response.

He stepped further into the room and poked him. "You good?"

Pulling the cover back he nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw hazy jade eyes staring back at him.

"What's wrong with you?"

Gaara blinked slowly.

"Are you sick?! You were outside for the longest time last night."

Sasori jumped back three feet when Gaara started to cough. "Listen, I have medicine downstairs if you want some, but I'm not trying to get sick."

Sasori scrambled out of the room and closed the door.

"This is a job for baachan." He quickly dialed her number.

...

The moment his grandmother answered the phone the two flew into an argument for ten minutes before he told her about Gaara being sick. She scoffed about him being a useless guardian and he quickly started listing all the times she was a crappy guardian herself, like the time she left him at home to go to a Viper concert. The phone call ended when Chiyo said she would be there soon and she loved him, he called her a hag and hung up.

Now that brings up to half an hour later when he opened the door, he smiled broadly at the person on the other side.

"Sakura!"

"Hi Sasori-nii!" She hugged him.

"What are you doing in Suna?" He hugged her back.

"I was visiting Chiyo-baasama when you called and she asked me to stop by and check on you and your house guest." Sasori stepped to the side and let her in.

"I'm glad you were able to stop by, I know you've had alot of school work to keep up with."

"Yeah, Tsunade-sama decided to give me a break for this summer.'' She chirped.

"How are your studies?"

"They are tough, but I've managed! I'm already helping out at Tsunade-sama's hospital and assisting in minor surgeries!"

"That's amazing! Not many kids your age can help perform surgeries."

Sakura beamed at the compliment.

"I do miss hanging out with my firends, but everyone's been busy getting ready for college." Sakura had taken off her shoes and was following Sasori upstairs. "Did you hear that Uchiha Sasuke had returned to Konoha?"

"Yeah, That little bastard hasn't been bothering you has he? If he has I'll bring it up to Itachi."

Sakura laughed.

"No, he's mellowed out over the years and we've been able to get along the months he's been back."

Sasori opened the door to Gaara's room. "Here it is. I'm gonna wait downstairs."

Sakura rolled her eyes as she entered the room. "Gaara-kun, it's me, Haruno Sakura."

"What's with the endearment?!" Sasori narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

"Gaara and I met when we were thirteen, he was a little... rough around the edges, but he's a sweetie." She answered.

"Sakura-san?" His voice was raspier than it usually was.

"Hey there." The pinkette greeted cheerfully. "How are you feeling?"

"..."

"I'll go make snacks, there is disenfectant in the hall closet, wash your hands when your done!" Sasori said from the hallway.

There was no way in high hell that he was going to go back into that room with all that _bacteria_ and _germs_.

...

A few minutes later Sakura came down stairs, he pointed a ladel at her. "Did you wash your hands?"

She held her hands up. "They're clean."

He eyed her some more.

"And I used the disenfectant." She rolled her eyes.

"Okay," He lowered the utensil cautiously. "How's the kid?"

"How did he get sick? Do you know?" She asked sitting at his island.

"Late last night I went out and came back home around 2 AM to see he was sitting on the porch."

"In the desert air?! Didn't he have a key?!"

"I never thought to give him one, I guess I can give him Deidara's old one." Sasori said.

"Why was he out there like that anyway?!" Sakura glared.

Sasori waved his hands in defense. "His old man had dropped him off here late last night _three_ hours before I got home and just left him there."

"Well," Sakura started to relax. "I believe it's only a twenty-four hour bug, I think he'll be better tomorrow with enough rest. What are you making?"

"Umeboshi, after this I can drive you home." Sasori offered.

"That's a two hour drive, you should stay with Gaara-kun while he recovers, I can call Naruto and have him pick me up."

"Naruto?" Sasori looked at her blankly.

"My best friend since grade school?"

Blank.

"Namikaze Minato's son?" Sakura tried.

Another blank look.

Sakura sighed. "Kushina-san's son."

"That tomato faced brat? She spawned a child?!" Sasori choked on his food.

"Naruto is my _friend_ Sasori, be nice." Sakura hissed. "I'm gonna text him now, so when he gets here I'll be ready to go."

"I can't believe she had a kid, Its been _years_ since I've seen her. I can't believe there is another _her_ out there in the world."

"Really Sasori? Can't you get over the rivalry you have with her?" Sakura rolled her eyes.

"It's not a _rivalry_ , that leech can never be considered a rival to me! It's pure and unadulterated hatred." The redhead corrected. "And she _sat_ on my painting, because her _cow hide,_ tiny, scatter brained, bi-"

"Sasori!" Sakura quickly mreprimended.

"Couldn't see that it was a frame sitting in that chair and she should've put it together that it was by how it was covered with a _cloth,_ that it was clearly a painting!" Sasori was _definitely_ bitter.

"Oh dear," Sakura sighed.

...

Two hours later found Sakura and Sasori sitting in the living room, laughing and watching some movie they stumbled upon, a French movie called La Placard, when a honk sounded outside his house.

"Oh! It's Naruto." Sakura started to stand.

Sasori stood up as well. "I'll walk you out."

"You don't have to do that Sasori-nii, It's not like I'm walking around the-" Another honk was heard. "Honestly, that boy..."

Sasori narrowed his eyes. "I _insist_ Sakura." He opened the front door for her.

"Thank you!" She smiled before freezing in place. "That's not... Naruto's car."

"Whose is it then?" Sasori spotted an all black Maserati GranTurismo Sport parked in front of his house.

A blonde stepped out of the passenger side and waved. "Sakura-chan, I hope you weren't waiting too long!"

"No, It's fine Naruto." She called back.

"So that's Naruto, huh." Sasori looked his face over. "Ugh, he has _her_ facial shape."

"Sasori-nii!" Sakura hissed under her breath. "Stop talking about my best friends mother!"

"Sakura." Both the pink and red head snapped to the driver side of the black car to see a boy with pale skin and black hair standing next to Naruto.

"S-Sasuke! Is this you're car?!" Sakura fidgeted.

"Hn." Dark eyes locked onto his.

"Oh, you're Itachi's brat brother." He drawled.

Sasuke's eyes narrowed even further. "Who are you to my brother?"

Sasori smirked. "Isn't that something you should ask him? I'm not a mind reader nor his interpeter."

"Ar-are you ready to go Sakura-chan?" The blond, Naruto, asked again.

"Uh... yeah."

"Safe driving kiddies!"

He gave Sakura one last hug , ignoring the suspicious glares of the boys as Sakura climbed into the backseat, and waved them off.

'Deidara was right that kid does look like a prick. He acted nothing like Itachi's relaxed and cool demeanor, probably has anger management problems.' With that last thought he re-entered his house the moment the car disappeared around the corner.

* * *

The car ride was silent and Sakura could see the tension in Sasuke's shoulders as she sat behind Naruto.

Naruto cleared his throat. "So... uh, Sakura-chan?"

"Yeah?"

"Who was that guy?" He asked.

Sasuke's eyes snapped up to watch her from his cars rear view mirror.

"He-he's a friend that I've known for a few months now. I met him at an art show in Suna and then again in Ame, Akasuna Sasori." She answered.

"Oh." Naruto said.

Sakura raised an eyebrow when the boys exchanged looks. "What's wrong?"

"Ah! I-It's nothing Sakura-chan... you two just seem _close_... is all."

She was the one to narrow her eyes this time. "Are you... _implying_ something, Naruto."

Naruto turned around fully in his seat to face her, she frowned when she noticed he didn't have his seatbelt on.

" _Sit down, dobe_." Sasuke hissed. "Are you trying to get me pulled over!"

Naruto ignored him. "I never knew you went to an art show in Suna! A-and you went to that art show in Ame _six_ months ago with Sai and I've never heard of that guy _once_ and you said you were going to see some old lady you met a year ago! I think that's kinda suspicious, Sakura-chan."

"Hn." Sasuke grunted.

Her eye twitched. "You two aren't my boyfriend nor my father, so what I do or _who_ I do it with does not concern you. How dare you two _micro_ examine my actions! Sasori and I have been friends for a very long time and he has helped me out alot, he's like an over dramatic older brother that I can always turn to. He was one of the _first_ people I told about my internship and was the one that helped with writing my essay for college. So, completely ignoring the fact that every time I ask, you two keep secrets from me, I just tell you everything I do from sun up to sunrise! Do you wanna know when my period comes as well?"

Naruto and Sasuke blanched. "S-sak-"

"I would like to believe that my 'best friends' would know me well enough and think better of me and my own self esteem. That I wouldn't open my legs to every guy I come across! Maybe I was wrong considering the fact that _both_ of you haven't been here for the past three years. How would _either_ of you know about me or the people I met during that time you were gone?!"

Sasuke grit his teeth.

"That's no-"

"Shut up. Turn around. Put your seatbelt on." She pulled out her ear phones. "Don't talk to me."

The car receeded into silence and Naruto turned around in his seat and put on his seatbelt, sharing a grimace with his best friend.

That didn't go well.


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry for the late update, I've been lazing in wallowing depression. But just like spandex, I snap right back into place!  
I don't own anything, sigh~

* * *

 **Chapter Five: Tended Rose**

* * *

Gaara slept in the next day and the next morning, Sasori had almost believed he was dead until he went up to his room, stood in his doorway and poked him with two yard sticks taped together until he moved.

Gaara lifted his hand up slowly and ripped the stick from his hands and threw it down on the carpeted hardwood flooring, obviously the kid was in a violent mood.

Sasori picked up the phone and called Sakura.

"Sori-nii?''

"Were you asleep? I'm sure it's at least... twelve in the afternoon over there." Sasori frowned.

"Had a rough night filled with studying and avoiding phone calls."

"Is someone bothering you?! I can have Kakuzu and Hidan drop by the bastards house and-"

"It's nothing like that! I just got into an argument with Sasuke and Naruto and I haven't spoken to them since I left your house the other night."

"What did they do? I can call Itachi and have him talk to his brother."

"There's no need to bother Itachi-san, Sasori-nii." Sakura sighed.

"What did they say to upset you?"

"They thought we were dating and started to question me, I can't believe they actually thought I had them pick me up from my boyfriend's house?! Why wouldn't I just have my boyfriend take me home? And another thing: Why is it their business if I _do_ have a boyfriend? I don't have to tell them everything all the time, like I wouldn't let my friends know I was dating someone! And-"

"You would tell me, right?" Sasori asked.

"Of course."

Sasori nodded. "Continue."

"Another thing that pisses me off is that they hold things from me! I still don't know the real reason why Sasuke left and Naruto wouldn't tell me much of anything when he came back, but he told _Sasuke_ _everything_! That porcelain faced jackass came back to Konoha _six_ months after him and yet he still won't tell me anything! But they expect me to just shed my soul for them to see, hypocritical asses! I'm seriously thinking of being a lesbian just so I won't have to deal with men!" She huffed.

Sasori grunted to show he was still listening and he let her rant about her parents, friends, school, and work and being sleep deprived for about thirty-five minutes before she calmed down and redirected the conversation.

"So, Why did you call?" She finally asked after she stopped huffing in agitation.

"Gaara's upstairs knocked out, I thought you said it was a twenty-four hour bug."

"It is, he's probably shaking off the remnants of his cold." Sakura deadpanned. "Did you try poking him with a stick?"

"What if I did?" He sniffed.

"Sasori, you can't poke Gaara-kun with yard sticks like that." She sighed. "He needs to sleep this off, he's not going to die in his sleep."

"It's creepy how well you know me. The only other person who knows me that well is Deidara, you don't remind me of Deidara, maybe Itachi though, I'm sure he'll like you."

"I met him in passing once, but we never spoke." Sakura sighed.

"You should come hang out with us sometime." He suggested.

"Really Sasori-nii? I'm a high schooler."

"Nothings going to happen to you, besides we don't need to drink to be jackasses." Sasori made his way to the kitchen, turning on his tea brewer.

"I guess it couldn't hurt..." Sakura said.

"Gaara will be there as well. I need to get him out and doing more active things, the kid is depressing in his reclusive state and it reminds me of myself. As you already know, things that remind me of me is a bad thing, In order to rectify that, he needs to go out and enjoy life before he becomes his father." Sasori grabbed a mug from a cabinet.

"That's mean!" Sakura chided.

"Hey! I'm already turning into baachan that's way worse than anyone else could ever hope for! You always become the parent you hate the most, baachan raised me so I was doomed from the start." Sasori huffed.

"Baachan isn't that bad!" Sakura protested.

Sasori put her on speaker and sat the phone on the counter. "Should I start making soup?"

"It'll help flush out the cold, so yeah."

He pulled out his maroon colored crock pot.

"When do you want to have this get together? I have to ask Tsunade-sama ahead of time so I can get time off studying."

"How about a trip?" Sasori offered. "We shirk our responsibilities anyhow."

"How are you still employeed?" Sakura laughed.

"For your information, I' am self-employeed. Everyone in The Akatsuki are well known and have well paying jobs, we make our own hours."

"How lucky for you, breaking the 9 to 5 mold." She drawled.

"You were the one who wanted to be a doctor!" Sasori smirked. "Chicken noodle or beef stew? I'm not making anything fancy."

"I love the job and chicken noodle, the beef chunks will be too much since he has a sore throat."

He poured three large cans of chicken noodle into the cooker setting the timer then he turned back to his tea.

"Sure, sure." He added sugar in his cup and sat at the island.

"Hey, Is a guy named Nagato in your group?"

"Yeah... he's kinda our boss, why?" Sasori frowned at his mug.

"Turns out he's an Uzumaki."

"So...?" Sasori edged on.

"...He's a relative to Uzumaki _Kushina_."

"..." Sasori slowly set down his cup. "What?"

"You didn't know? Uzumaki isn't a common last name."

"I know that fish brained hag by Namikaze, not Uzumaki!" He hissed.

"I always thought it was weird that you never noticed it, but now I know why." She giggled.

"This isn't funny! Why haven't I ever known this!"

"From what I heard from Naruto, his mother's side of the family kind of broke off and lost communications over time. It's to my understanding that alot of them passed away over time."

"Ugh. That hag is just everywhere I turn."

"Not her, just her family memebers."

"It's not helping, but I'll send a text out and wait for their responses then I'll let you know the date." Sasori rubbed his temples.

"Thanks Sori-nii!"

"Sure, whatever." He hung up.

Then he quickly texted Nagato. ' _Why didn't you tell me you were related to that bubble eyed banshee?'_

' _Your harping would start to get on my nerves.'_ Nagato typed back.

' _...Understandable. Anyway, there was another reason I texted.'_

' _Asking about Kushina-nee wasn't the reason?'_ Nagato said back.

' _How about we take a trip?_ '

' _Where to? Hell?'_ Sasori rolled his eyes.

Nagato was always a sarcastic bastard about everything.

' _Why should it matter? We can choose later. So do you?'_

' _I suppose it couldn't hurt, I'll text the others.'_

' _Thanks! ;)'_

' _Don't send me winky-smiley faces, it's weird.'_ Nagato typed back.

' _;) ;) ;) ;) ;)!'_ Sasori cackled when he didn't respond back.

"You're loud."

He lifted his head to see Gaara in the doorway with a cover wrapped completely around his body, Sasori couldn't even see his face just his eyes. The kid was a creep.

"Sakura-chan said to give you soup, it's cooking now."

Gaara shrugged.

"Also," Sasori started as he shooed Gaara out of his kitchen. No way was he getting his icky germs all over his newly cleaned kitchen. "We're going on a trip in the to near future."

"Why?" He rasped.

"Why not?"

"You don't answer my questions, It's irritating."

Sasori pushed Gaara onto the couch.

"Calm down, it's going to be fun." The older redhead dismissed with a wave.

"Whose going?"

"My friends from The Akatsuki, us,-"

"Is that blonde from my first night here going to be there?"

"Yes, but!" He said when Gaara started to glare. "Not everyone is like Deidara, now that I think on it he has always been a special type."

"I don't want go."

"Come on," Sasori slumped forward, whining. "Sakura-chan will be there too, it'll be fun!"

"Will Naruto be there?"

"Who?"

"How do you know Sakura, but not Naruto?"

"Why would I want to interact with the spawn of the woman I hate?"

Gaara frowned. "What?"

"Do you want to go or not?" Sasori huffed impatiently.

Gaara shrugged.

"Was that so hard?" Sasori sighed. "Now, your soup will be done in a few minutes, want some tea or something?"

The boy shrugged again.

Sasori groaned and re-entered the kitchen.

Nurture and care is _not_ what he went to school, he should've stayed in Italy when he had the chance.

* * *

 **I seriously adore Sasori's droopy sad eye shape, it's so cute to me.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A thousand apologies for my inexcusable lateness, January has been a busy(fun) month for me.**

* * *

 **Chapter Six: Bouquet**

* * *

They were able to finally set a date for the trip.

Sasori got a headache trying to work around everyone's schedule, Gaara wasn't doing much of anything and Sakura just needed the date to be far enough so that she can get time off.

Which confused the hell out of Sasori since she didn't need to work so hard for it, Nagato could get her the position easily enough and Kakuzu was fantastic at forging legal documents and records.

She, unfortunately, turned his offer down saying she wanted to do this on her own.

He was still confused as to why she was so adamant about doing this herself.

Aside from all of that, the trip was a month from now on March 16th, he was excited to do something other than work and stay home all day.

Now that he thought about it... he hasn't had the chance to spend time with his precious works of art. He might have gotten rusty! Sasori needed to rectify that immediately.

"Sasori..."

Sasori sighed as he lounged on his chair like a stretched out cat. "Whaddya want?"

Gaara had felt better a few days ago and went back to haunting his hallways at night, scaring half the life out of him when he went for something to eat or to the bathroom.

"Otousama will be arriving to retrieve me today, there is a political meeting and all family members will be present."

Sasori blinked up at him. "So? Have fun, I guess..."

"...Chiyo-baasama will be present as well."

"Ssssooo?"

"You are related to baasama, aren't you?" Gaara cocked his head.

"I don't go to those things."

"Aren't you concerned for Suna's political state?"

Sasori blinked.

"Oh dear Shooting stars, you're a patriot."

"Is there something wrong with being involved in your city's community." Gaara drawled.

"Ugh... you're a well wishing activist." Sasori gagged. "What did I do to deserve this conversation? If it's because of that incident in Kumo, the blame is solely on Hidan's shoulders."

"Surely you like being in Suna, you live here."

"I'm here against my will." Sasori said.

"How so?"

"I'm on house arrest... well, more like city arrest I can't leave the city or I'll be incarcerated."

"..."

Gaara blinked. "What for...?"

"It was a total overreaction to a slight misunderstanding of the situation, I' am completely innocent and not at fault in anyway. There was no evidence and they couldn't charge me, so in a show of abusing their power they confined me to the city limits so that they can control my movements."

"What happened?" Gaara asked.

"I was forced to sign a sworn statement and 'Cannot divulge anything regarding the incident'." Sasori shrugged. "My 'groundment' is irrelevant."

"How long will you be... 'grounded'?" Gaara cocked her head again.

"Oh, I can leave whenever I want, I have a friend who can hack into Suna's computer system and I can roam freely." Sasori shrugged again.

"You really are a criminal."

"I'm not a criminal, I just toe the line between legal and illegal on occasion."

Gaara blinked again.

"You blink a lot, is it because you don't have eyebrows?" Sasori drawled.

"Do you want to die."

"I thought about it."

Twitch.

Sasori grinned.

He always won an argument, no matter what kind it was.

"Get dressed." Gaara said.

"Fuck off you damn baby politician." Sasori hissed.

"If you don't get dressed, I'll make you."

"Your not the boss of me! You can't make me do anything!"

"Sasori-"

" _Yes-no-maybe-I don't know_

 _Can you repeat the question?_

 _You're not the boss of me now_

 _You're not the boss of me now_

 _You're not the boss of me now_

 _And your not so big_ -OW!"

Sasori whined when Gaara tipped his chair over.

...

Sasori glared out the window of the black town car with Gaara sitting next to him and Rasa across from them, the air was tense.

"It's nice to see you taking interest in Suna's political state." Rasa smiled bitterly at him.

"Between you and I, I'd rather be in a Russian bar fighting guys five times bigger than me, then drag myself home to sleep off the alcohol." Sasori spat back.

Rasa's 'calm' facade immediately cracked. "Listen here, you little shit! You won't screw up this meeting and you will act accordingly!"

"Fuck politics! You can stuff those old bastards dicks up your ass, but I bet you I won't be bending over for them!" Sasori yelled.

Gaara turned and blinked at Sasori.

Rasa's face turned red.

"I'm going to kill you one day." He hissed lowly.

Gaara turned to his father, slightly in shock.

"I'm waiting." Sasori raised his arms. "Bring it you tight suit, duck boot wearing jackass."

"Don't start with me you half ass artist."

Sasori gasped in indignation.

Gaara glanced between them, he edged away warily.

There was a thick silence before Sasori attacked.

"I'll shove my foot down your throat and make you eat those words!"

"Get off me you damn brat!"

"I'm about to yank your throat out! No one will ever have the displeasure of hearing your voice ever again!"

"That's it! I'm about to kick your pasty white ass in jail where you belong you crook!"

"You have no evidence!"

"I have plenty of witnesses and people willing to frame you!"

"You zig zagging puppet politician, you think you can hold me inside a prison?!"

"You think I can't?! I'll have your ass on every criminal database in the world!"

"You still have an AOL account, you don't even know what 'Bing' or who Steve Jobs is!"

"Mind your own damn business, you think I can't have your whole 'organization' destroyed in one fell swoop?!" He was finally able to pry Sasori off of him and used the bottom of his Inglewood loafers to kick him back into his seat.

"You try to do anything to my squad and I'll leak all your nudes!"

Gaara started to choke on air.

"I don't have any nudes!" Rasa yelled.

"We'll see about that." Sasori smirked sinisterly.

Rasa grimaced. "You sick bastard."

"I hear you like blonds and not the feminine kind."

Rasa started messaging his temples. "Stop speaking that way in front of my son."

"He's used to it." Sasori scoffed.

Rasa's eye twitched. "You wonder why no one likes you, you conniving sniveling bastard!"

"Ha! Plenty of people like me, that 'plenty' is actually the only people I give a damn about!"

"That is hard to believe." Rasa scoffed.

"Karura adored me."

Rasa sneered.

"You knew my mother...?" Gaara asked.

"Gaara." Rasa warned with a hiss.

"Yes I knew you're mother, she used to babysit me. That's how this prick and her met." Sasori smirked.

"Don't flatter yourself."

"Remember when she rejected you because you were mean to me and so your personality did a complete one eighty just to impress her?"

"...Shut up." Rasa's eye twitched.

The car was left in a tense silence as Sasori sneered at the older man, Rasa returned the gesture. Gaara just sat and watched the grown men act like warring toddlers, it was off putting to see his father act so childish in front of someone he deemed a rival.

Sasori, on the other hand, acted just as he feared he would. Gaara glanced to see his fellow redhead sulkily looking out his side of the window whilst his father returned to his phone. Perhaps it was better the two didn't interact when they arrived at the meeting being held at city hall.

* * *

"Akasuna Sasori," A wiry thin man with graying dark hair and crows feet drawled, clearly shocked to see him. "It's a... pleasant surprise to see you."

"Fukada-san." Sasori greeted curtly.

"I never thought you would come here, have you finally gotten so desperate?" The man's eyes gleamed cruelly.

Sasori looked to his left to see that, yes Rasa was far enough from the pending confrontation, before looking to his right and seeing Gaara. He wouldn't do anything to stop him, then finally he looked back to Fukada with a cruel smile of his own.

"Ah, Fukada-san." He chirped. "How is your son doing?"

"Oh!" The man brightened considerably. "Isshin is doing well, he-"

"I wasn't talking about you're youngest," Sasori's grin grew sharper. "I was talking about Noburu, you know your eldest, the one whose in jail for sexually assaulting an eight year old boy."

Fukada's wrinkled face puckered up like he ate a lemon whole.

"Would you like tea with that lemon you just swallowed?" Sasori blinked innocently.

The man straightened and abruptly turned away from him, making a hurried escape. Sasori cackled in malicious glee when the man sidled up to Rasa and whispered in his ear, making the auburn haired man whip his head in his direction. Sasori waved his hand and was met with a demonic glare.

How rude.

"Was that necessary?" Gaara said from beside him.

"Oh, I didn't know 'necessary' was a human function. They must have skipped that in my programming before they shipped me from hell."

Gaara just blinked and looked away.

"Is that my adorable grandson?!" A high pitched voice carried through the room to Sasori's ears.

Sasori shuddered in dread. "Please kami... If you really exist... strike her down-or me, I don't care which one."

"Did you come here to finally take up your position as heir? Are you going to take this seriously and give me great grandchildren I can be proud of before I die?" She appeared in front of him.

"Way to bail when it really counts." Sasori looked at the ceiling.

"Hm?" Chiyo cocked her head to the side in question.

"No, I don't want anything to do with these creatures of habit, I don't take anything seriously, especially a title that won't do me any good in the afterlife, and finally I hate physical contact unless it's brief and for one night-or day, if I'm feeling adventurous."

"It's nice to see you Sasori-kun." Sasori brightened a bit when he saw his uncle.

"Finally, someone sane!" He huffed. "How are you jii-san?"

"I would be better if Chiyo would just let me fish and play chess all day, but you know how overbearing she can be." He chuckled.

"I know very well." Sasori smirked.

"If you two are done giggling over tea." Chiyo sneered. "How are you doing, runt?"

Gaara blinked, surprised by her expectant eyes. "I'm fine, thank you for asking."

'Great, he's polite when it comes to 'official' matters.' Sasori suppressed a sigh. 'I hate being here, I wanna go home.'

"Your siblings are waiting for you near the portrait of Yaaga." Gaara nodded and excused himself.

When he was gone Sasori turned to his grandmother with a blank stare. "What?"

"I didn't expect you to be here." She smiled.

Sasori shrugged. "I was forced to be here, that kid is stronger than he looks."

"You're even wearing a tuxedo." She giggled.

"He threatened to stab me if I didn't."

"I could never get you to comb your hair when it came to events such as this." Chiyo sighed.

"I didn't, Rasa-teme and I got into a fight and he pulled my hair..." Sasori turned to where Rasa was standing and raised his voice. "like a bitch!"

He was satisfied when Rasa's smile became strained and a tick grew in his jaw.

"Regardless," Chiyo dismissed with a wave of her hand. "We have things to talk about."

"We're talking now."

"Don't be smart Sasori!"

"I had better be," Sasori scoffed. "With the amount of money you paid for my education."

"That's your grandson alright." Ebizo chuckled.

"Respect your elders!" Chiyo pointed at him.

"Pointing is rude, who raised you?" Sasori scoffed.

"How is the runt?"

"Fine I guess." Sasori shrugged. "We don't really sit down at the end of every week to discuss our inner most feelings over dinner."

"Rasa wants the boy to be mentally stable enough for an upcoming press conference. The media want to see how happy Rasa and the brats are, making them the ideal 'family'." Chiyo scoffed.

"Even if the boy won't re-marry." Ebizo said.

"Gaara's been pretty mellow as of late."

"Yes," Chiyo nodded. "It appears that he gets anxious around large crowds and loud noises."

"What is he? a hamster?" Ebizo raised a thin eyebrow.

"Isn't this damn thing getting started soon, I wanna go home." Sasori crossed his arms.

"Stop grumbling!" Chiyo scolded.

"You know," Sasori drawled. " the words 'hag' and 'nag' rhyme."

"You should learn to respect and love your grandmother, I won't be around for long!" Chiyo said.

"I'll see you in hell then," Sasori shot back. "Save me a seat and a glass of iced tea."

"Fucking with me you'll get coals up the ass!"

"Maybe I like BDSM!"

"I knew I should have stopped you when you started playing with those dolls!"

"They weren't dolls, they were collector's items!"

"For little girls! I had always wanted a cute granddaughter to dote on, but not this way." Chiyo wailed.

"Please! A girl wouldn't dare touch those classical pieces of art without destroying them. Those nose pickers wouldn't understand the true artistry in woodworking if it was covered in glitter."

"Sasori don't attack children." Ebizo sighed. "Besides, the little one over there is looking quite on edge."

All three looked across the room to see Gaara leaning against the wall glaring off into the distance. Kankuro, on his right, slowly started to edge away from his brother-close enough for him not too notice, but not too close - and Temari was trying to keep his attention on something other than his straying dark thoughts.

"He's not as bad as when he was younger, but you can still see some troubling things in that boys eyes." Chiyo frowned.

"I honestly don't understand why you gave him to me, he's not an obnoxious roommate to have like Deidara and Hidan were. I'm not the 'consoling and comforting' type and he looks like he needs actual help, like a couch and prescriptions."

"Tried that, he wouldn't take the medicine and no one was willing to get close enough to force him. Apparently he stabbed the doctor the last time, how he snuck in a large kitchen knife is anyone's guess." Ebizo shrugged.

"Rasa decided to try a different approach after that incident, so he's been giving him to different relatives hoping the change of pace would help ease his mind." Chiyo continued.

"But the boy had never been fond of strangers, he didn't know any of them well enough to be comfortable and scared them into submission. The poor blokes couldn't even live in their own damn house they were scared of him, after the first day they called Rasa and demanded he take him back immediately." Ebizo shook his head.

"What if he tries to stab me?" Sasori asked.

"We know you're more than capable of handling yourself, dear grandson." Chiyo giggled.

"So, fuck my life," Sasori deadpanned. "Oh, Sasori was stabbed in the middle of the night when he was trying to get a cup of juice, but that's okay! After the doctor's bandaged 45% of his body and the other 55% is covered in stitches and he's sipping said juice through a straw because his throat is slashed, but he'll be fine! He can still wipe his own ass."

"I don't even think you can drink anything when your throat is slashed." Chiyo murmured to her brother.

"Beyond the point I was making!" Sasori cut in. "He's been pretty chill lately, but that could change."

"I'm sure you'll be fine Sasori-kun, Gaara seems to like you." Ebizo shrugged.

"Like as in: I-don't want-to-kill-you-because-your-funny or He's-okay-but-he'll-look-better-in-a-puddle-of-his-own-blood?"

"A bit in between possibly." His uncle shrugged.

"Oh kami..." Sasori clutched his head. "I'm taking him camping in the too near future!"

"I never pegged you as religious." Ebizo hummed.

"What possessed you to do something stupid like that? Are you trying to set yourself up for a crappy thriller movie?" Chiyo cried.

"I was trying to make Sakura feel better." He sighed.

"How considerate." His grandmother scoffed. "Try not to die or I won't have anyone to talk shit to."

' _If I'm lucky Hidan would probably give his murderous tendency a run for it's money._ ' Sasori thought somberly.

* * *

 **This is my favorite chapter so far, Sasori is just so sassy and I love it! Ciao~**


	7. Chapter 7

***Deeply Bows* I sincerely apologize for my recent absence, I have been busy with my sisters.**

* * *

 **Chapter Seven: A Single Rose**

* * *

Today was the day, Sasori was mildly excited about the trip, better than being inside all the time.

Nagato had decided to go camping on a beach resort, of course Sasori was confused because how do you camp on a beach resort?

Apparently this version of camping is called 'Glamping' and it was Konan's idea since the woods gave her rashes and Hidan protested about using the bathroom outside.

From what Itachi told him it had something to do with a bear and a jar of honey, from Kisame's shudder of disgust, Sasori decided he didn't want to know more.

So, with a surly Gaara in the passanger seat they headed out to the airport where Nagato had a private plane. Itachi said he would get Sakura and bring her there, Being the greatest big brother-figure, ignoring Itachi's eye roll when he said that, he made sure to inform his dear friend that if anything should befall his precious, darling sister-but-not-really, he would carve out his intestines and make him into a beautiful wooden figure to be marveled at for all time.

Itachi 'hn'd before hanging up on him, but Sasori was sure he understood.

"What is 'Glamping'?" Gaara had asked when Sasori had finally found a decent parking spot.

"Apparently it's glamorized camping, we'll be on a beach in an air conditioned luxury hotel belonging to our friend, Uchiha Obito."

"Isn't camping supposed to be outside in a forest or whatever."

"My friends aren't exactly outside people apparently." Sasori shrugged.

"Are your friends even really people?" Gaara scoffed.

"..." Sasori paused before he could form a sentence and contemplated.

"It's sad you have to even think about it."

Sasori glared at Gaara briefly. "I'll admit Hidan is a bit... ah, questionable, but everyone else is stable."

"Hn." Gaara blinked.

"When we're sober at least."

Silence.

* * *

"You guys made it!" The moment he and the others entered the large resort they were immediately spotted by the resort's owner, Uchiha Obito.

The building was styled after Greek architecture, with the reception desk designed after the Corinthian Capital, large pillars were carved into the walls curving up to the ceiling. The floor was made out of black and gold marble covering the floors.

"I' m so glad you guys made it!" Obito smiled jovially.

"Hello Obito-san." Sakura smiled.

"Hey Sakura!" Obito waved.

"Nice Floor." Kisame commented offhandedly.

"It's chinese gold marble, calcatta didn't cut it for me." Obito dismissed.

"You mean it didn't scream _'I'm a rich bastard'_?" Hidan scoffed.

"Hey, I'm middle class!" He protested.

"Dude, you make twenty million dollars yearly from this place." Deidara shook his head incredulously.

"Hasagawa Kei makes twenty-three million." Obito hissed under his breath. "Bastard."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Hidan deadpanned.

"That aside," Obito waved his hand dismissively. "Whose the new kid? I know Sakura, the blond jackass, and my ungrateful younger cousin, but he's new."

Gaara cocked his head to the side.

"Can't you just call me by my name." Naruto whined.

"That wouldn't be fun for me." Obito shrugged.

Sasuke sneered at his older cousin.

"This is Subaku Gaara, he's Rasa-teme's youngest son." Sasori pat the other's vibrant red hair, causing him to swat Sasori's hand away.

"Nice to meet you, my name is Uchiha Obito and I own this place. You guys came just in time too, construction has just finished building my water park!"

"You have a water park now?" Nagato raised an eyebrow.

"Yep! I had Fu-jichan do the math and the newest edition to my resort will increase revenue by at least seventy-five percent." Obito chirped. "Hasagawa doesn't have a water park, neither does he have an cavern bar lounge."

"Otousan hates when you call him that." Sasuke said.

"I've been doing it for twenty-eight years, it's not going to change."

"I feel like if we don't move away from this topic I' m going to stab you." Hidan glared.

"Anyway!" Obito clapped his hand together loudly. "Let's get you guys up to your rooms."

"Who the hell keeps giving this bastard money?" Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Like I care, we _are_ business partners." Kakuzu shrugged.

"What else can we do besides the water park and underground bar?" Konan asked as he led them to a set of elevators.

"It's actually a cavern bar, not underground." He corrected.

Konan glared at the back of his head.

Obito scratched his head, feeling an odd tingling sensation. "But of course we have a fitness center, a mineral bath, scuba diving, surfing, cooking classes for couples or solos, yoga classes, meditation areas, message parlors, fine dining, and lots more you can find in the brochures in your rooms."

"How are the tides this morning?" Kisame asked.

"Who knows," Obito shrugged. "You can ask Zabuza though."

"Zabuza?! _Momochi_ Zabuza?!"

"Yeah, he's a friend of 'Kashi's and dating our childhood friend, Mitarashi Anko." the ravenette shrugged as he pressed the button to open the elevator.

"I can't believe that bastard is here!" Kisame smirked.

"Should you be surprised, I mean Itachi is dating Zabuza's adopted brother." Nagato pointed out.

"What?!" Kisame looked towards Haku, who smiled softly. "How did I never know this?!"

"Who knows." Obito stepped into the moving shaft, the inside wrapped in wood on the bottom part and the top was painted with an ocean view.

"Oh?" Sasori smirked. "The elevator isn't gold?"

"Of course not! I'm not _Hasagawa_." He sniffed snootily.

"Who the hell is this Hasagawa you keep bringing up?" Kakuzu grumbled.

"He's a rat bastard and I've been trying to kill him for close to five years now."

"Oh?" Gaara's eyes gleamed.

"He's just kidding!" Sasori pointedly glared at his friend.

"No I'm not, I tried to get him sniped once, but he tripped down a hill. He hit his head and was blocked by a large oak tree." Obito sighed somberly.

"Weren't you raised around cops?" Yahiko asked.

"I' m pretty sure aside from Fu-jichan, Miko-baachan, Itachi, the ungrateful brat, and Shisui- the rest of the family disowned me."

"I disowned you." Sasuke scoffed.

"You can't do that!" Obito cackled as the doors to the elevator closed. "Miko-baachan would _kill you._ "

* * *

ENTER: Uchiha Obito - Eccentric Rich Bastard! What fun times will he drag this group of wacky kids into?!


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight: A Thicket Bush**

* * *

Obito was a prickly and moody bastard that anyone who knew him well enough steered clear of when his mood took a sudden turn for the worse

Like now: He had smashed a vase costing 500,000 yen, according to Kakuzu, and is now holding a large shard piece up to Hidan's neck.

Why you ask?

I don't think I want to know, Some of you might say.

Let us briefly review the morning.

It started off pretty slow with everyone waking up, dragging their half awake bodies into the elevator, and heading to the reserved dining area Obito had set up, for coffee. It was nine in the morning and Hidan was already bitching about the cafe not having unconsecrated apple juice.

Like seriously? Unconsecrated apple juice?

Kakuzu had handled that situation pretty well by throwing a shiny red apple at his head.

After breakfast Yahiko had the bright idea that the group should go take a stroll through the small forest reserve Obito had near his resort.

After a serious debate amongst the group,(Konan was pretty upset about this and then we were bullied into going by Nagato.)Sakura, Konan, and Itachi made two large picnic baskets, ready to head out when it happened.

They were fighting over the last lemon berry tart.

You see, Obito loves sweets and Hidan just likes to eat anything and everything.

Hidan is like that kid in kindergarten, the one that always ate glue and picked up anything that he could put into his mouth.

Everything was pretty mild with just the two arguing back and forth over the damn thing when Hidan shoved Obito backwards and shoveled the tart down his throat.

It was disturbing to watch.

The next thing to happen was the loud 'crash' of something shattering and then Obito was on him with the shard cutting into his neck, our jaws dropped. The ravenette had moved so quickly it took the group watching a full second to realize what exactly happened.

" _I'll kill you._ " He hissed.

The tension was slowly building in the room.

Everyone started to edge away towards the entrance of the small reserved dining area, making a wide berth for the pending fight.

"Obito, put the-" Nagato put his hands up in a placating manner.

" _Shut up_!" He sneered.

Yahiko looked to his best friend. "What the hell are we going to do?"

"You fucking bastard! What the fuck is wrong with you?!" This coming from a man who performs rituals needing human sacrifices to a destructive god.

"What's going on?!" Obito's friend, Hatake Kakashi, exclaimed.

"Kaka-nii! Obi-nii just snapped out!" The 'spawn' clutched onto Kakashi's arm.

"Obito!" Kakashi walked over to him slowly. "What's going on?"

" _This bastard attacked me._ " He growled.

"Me?! You're the-"

"Shut the hell up Hidan!" Kakuzu snapped.

"Put the shard down and walk away." Kakashi spoke calmly.

Obito sat completely still before finally releasing Hidan. Kakashi quickly ushered him out of the room, Obito was seething the whole way.

The moment he was out of ear shot the room turned towards the fallen silverette.

"You just had to knock him into a wall, didn't you?" Sasuke sneered.

"You should've let him have the damn tart!" Deidara sighed.

"I called dibs on it first!" Hidan argued.

"Does it really even matter if it's Obito?" Yahiko squinted down at him.

"I don't believe it does." Konan said.

"That bastard just tried to murder me!"

"There's a doctor here." Sasori gestured to Sakura.

"Hey! I just started out, I'm not sure I can do much to help if Obi-nii jammed a ceramic shard through his throat."

"Obito usually isn't so messy." Kakuzu hummed.

"What?!" Naruto whipped around to face him. "What do you mean by that?!"

"Nothing." Kakuzu shrugged. "Not anything that you can prove anyhow."

"For a minute there I almost thought you guys were criminals." Sasuke spat sarcastically.

"Your brother's a dick, un." Deidara glanced at Itachi.

"Please refrain from insulting my brother."

"This day had started out so nicely too." Haku sighed.

"Nothing 'nice' ever lasts long with this group." Konan sighed resignedly.

.

The next hour everything was resolved, finding themselves trudging through a large area dominated by trees and foliage.

"So... It's not really a forest?" Deidara frowned.

"It's like a simulation," Kakashi quietly explained. "It's set up to give off the feeling of a real forest while also not being one."

"Why?" Naruto asked. "Why not just get a real forest?"

"I don't wild animals running loose on my property." Obito said. "Do you want people to get mauled by bears?"

"It would be cool to see..." Hidan muttered.

"Shut up!" Obito hissed.

"Don't you two start!" Konan glared from the front of the group before Hidan could say anything.

"I thought Konan wanted to go 'glamping'." Sakura said.

"This isn't a real forest with mosquitoes, it's artificially created." Konan shrugged.

"But the tree bark feels real!" Sasori pat a tree next to him.

"But we won't see any animals?" Haku asked.

"Kami, people are so damn demanding! You want a forest so you can 'explore' without being harmed and now you're all whining about some _damn animals_!" Obito hissed. "If you want to see animals so damn bad then go to the zoo."

The group descended into silence.

"I bet Hasagawa has animals." Naruto muttered.

Obito whirled around and lunged at the blond. "I'll kill you!"

"Obito stop!"

"Someone help me!"

"Dobe."

"Don't grab me!"

"You people are ruining Gaara's camping experience!"

"..."

"Watch out for that-!"

Crash.

"...hill."

"Ow, that _hurt_ , dattebayo!"

"Son of a milky way!"

"Crybaby."

"Shut up Kakashi!"

.

"I blame you." Naruto glared petulantly at Obito.

"If you say what you said again, I'll make sure you won't be doing much of anything ever again." He hissed back.

"This isn't fun, un." Deidara pouted.

"I miss the ocean." Kisame sighed next to him.

The group was sitting around in a large, and loose circle with a bonfire in the middle.

"Can someone pass the marshmallows?" Yahiko asked.

"I have never known true boredom until this moment." Nagato's voice drifted, heavy with a droll.

"I find it very peaceful." Sakura yawned.

Sasuke scoffs. "Yeah, that's why you're about to fall over from boredom."

"We could try playing a game?" Haku suggested.

"What game could we play?" Sasori said, he was laying down on his back stargazing.

"How about Monopoly?"

"Can't. Kakuzu is always the banker and he steals all the money and that causes fights." Nagato sighed.

"That bastard foreclosed all of my houses and businesses!" Shouted Hidan.

"You should have had your payments in on time."

"You wanted us to 'pay under the table', It was a _game_." Hidan shot back.

Kakuzu's green eyes narrowed. "Money is _never a game._ "

"Jenga?" Deidara offered.

"No, the dobe gets frustrated because his hands wobble when he pulls a stick. The last time he slapped the whole thing off the table."

"Checkers?" Nagato asked.

"Boring!" Hidan and Naruto chorused.

"Osama game?"

"Kisame, there are minors here." Itachi said.

"Besides, we didn't bring alcohol." Yahiko shrugged. "Or cards."

"Simon says?"

"That's like playing charades." Sasuke scoffed.

"It's not like your offering any ideas!" Sakura huffed.

"..."

"...Hide and seek." The group turned towards the newest redhead.

"What did he say?" Obito asked.

"Hide and seek." He repeated.

"Who in their right mind would play hide and seek at night in the woods?" Kakashi raised a silver brow.

"Apparently us." Obito smirked.

"It's not like animals are going to be here..." Naruto grinned.

"True, we're also not too far out from the resort in case there is an emergency." Nagato said.

"Are we really about to do this?" Kisame's grin started to turn sharp.

Everyone sat there looking at one another for a moment.

"Deidara's it!" Yahiko called as everyone dashed into the thicket of trees.

"Wait? What?!" He yelped. "Why am I 'it'?!"

But his cries went unheard.


	9. Chapter 9

**I apologize for long wait, binge gaming all week... or has it been _weeks_.**

* * *

 **Chapter Nine: From The Stem**

* * *

"Would you move?!" Hidan hissed.

"You followed me, nimrod!" Yahiko spat back.

"That's not what I'm talking about ass wipe, get your fucking foot outta my ass!"

"What?" Yahiko frowned at the silverette. "How can my foot be on your ass if I'm squatting like three inches to your left?"

Hidan slowly looked behind him and nearly screeched in shock when he saw Zetsu sitting with his legs stretched out in front of him, leaning against the trunk of the trunk of a tree behind him. "What the fuck man?! Why the fuck are you sneaking around like that?!"

Yahiko just stared with wide eyes.

"Isn't the purpose of the game, to be quiet?" Zetsu cocked his head to the side.

"..."

"Well shit, Zetsu just might win..." Yahiko mumbled.

...

"I can't believe your plan actually worked." Kakashi sighed quietly.

"I know my friends," Obito smirked. "Be glad you're my best friend."

"Sometimes I don't even feel safe."

Obito ignored his somber childhood friend and opened the control room that was camouflaged under a large bush that was actually a trapdoor. He climbed down the ladder quickly followed by Kakashi, closing the door behind him.

Kakashi was shocked to see a set up of monitors showing every inch of Obito's 'forest' and a counsel filled with an array of different buttons.

Kakashi felt pensive. "I have a terrible feeling about this..."

Obito, having apparently heard his mutter, responded: "Just be glad your in here and not out there." He snickered.

"You had this all built in a months time..."

"Yep."

Kakashi had an inkling of what he had planned. He honestly couldn't wrap his mind around how easy it was for Obito to manipulate these people into a situation and doing exactly what he wanted them to do without them realizing until it was already too late.

"Side kick 'Silver Wolf', Let the games begin." Obito's grin was large, borderline manic.

"Maa maa, why do I have to be the sidekick? And who are you? 'The Phantom'?"

"...Maybe."

Kakashi sighed.

...

Somewhere else:

 _Sssshhht._

"What was that sound?" Konan whispered to Itachi.

The ravenette glanced around cautiously. "I do not believe it was an animal, the noise sounded... automated."

 _Wiiirrr._

The duo looked up, before Konan could scream it was too late.

...

"Sakura-chan?"

"Yes Naruto?" said pinkette responded.

Naruto, Gaara and herself had somehow ended up together, she didn't know where Sasori or Sasuke had gotten off to, but they both were scarily competitive.

She was still a little sore from when Sasuke flipped her canoe over when they were at summer camp, competing in the one of the many games and contests the camp councilors organize.

She frowned at the thought.

 _Jerk._

"Didn't we pass that rock like five minutes ago?" She looked to where he pointed and frowned deeper.

"You're right, It's the same shape as the last one." She glared at their surroundings.

"Is the forest... moving?" Gaara asked this time.

Sakura and Naruto's eyes immediately sharpened and the slight subtle movement of the trees moving counter clockwise.

"Oh sweet clouds above... how is that even possible?" Sakura's jaw dropped.

"Why would the trees be movin'?" Naruto scratched his head in hard concentration. "It's like somebody's controllin it or somethin."

"Someone probably is." said Gaara.

"Wait, it's not the trees!" Sakura glared down at their feet. "We're moving!"

"Who-" Suddenly everything jerked and the three fell to the floor and were dragged through the forest.

"What the hell is going on?!" Sakura screamed.

"I think you mean: 'What the hell is that'?!" Naruto pointed to a pit in the ground and try as they might they couldn't find anything to grab onto to save themselves as they were quickly swallowed by darkness.

...

"Did you hear that?" Sasuke frowned at the thick green trees behind them. "I swore I heard a scream."

"I believe I heard it as well, do you think it was Konan-san?" Haku asked.

"No, that was Naruto."

Sasuke wasn't sure how he lost his brother and best friends and ended up with Haku, but his brother wouldn't just wonder off and disappear and neither would Sakura that was more Naruto's thing.

It was like this forest purposely separated them into groups. Sasuke didn't know why he felt this way, he just did and it put him on edge.

 _shrsst._

"I don't like this Sasuke-kun, there is a very ominous air surrounding us, I hope Itachi-kun and the others are all right."

"Hn."

 _Whissh._

"Ah!"

"Ugh!"

...

"Mwuhahahahaha!" Obito chuckled darkly under his breath.

Kakashi side eyed the dark haired man with newfound weariness. "Aren't you concerned for retribution?"

"If they know what's good for them they'll get over it, but then again they are my friends." He shrugged.

"I claim no involvement in this, I wash my hands and eyes of this. I know nothing."

Obito rolled his eyes. "You're so dramatic."

Kakashi placed a hand to his chest and his eyes widened enough to show the slight greyish blue tint in his irises. "Me? dramatic? hardly!"

"Now, It's time for Nagato and Sasori, where's Deidara?" Obito looked around the monitors.

"There he is." Kakashi pointed to the upper left screen. "He must have heard Naruto's scream.

"Well then, I'll have something cooking for him soon, but for now I must exact revenge on Hidan."

"Obito," Kakashi warned. "We talked about this."

"Yea, I heard what you said, but then I decided to disregard said advice and claim vengeance as mine. We Uchiha are known for our vengeful natures, as our family was a reputable mob before turning a new leaf and becoming law abiding citizens."

"You're whole family was a mob?!" Kakashi's jaw dropped. "You're family _owns_ the police force and I thought you're uncle Madara was the only criminal?!"

"Yeah, we've owned the police before my uncle Fugaku became the Chief and no one in my family is exactly innocent." Obito contemplated briefly. "Well, maybe Itachi is, but even he would dabble on the ' _dark side'_ if needed."

Obito rolled his eyes at Kakashi's appalled look. "Please, you helped me get away with crimes _all the time_."

"Hm? Did you say something?"

"Bastard! Don't pull that shit with me!"

Kakashi blinked innocently. "I'm not pulling anything, I simply didn't here anything that you said."

"Bastard!"

. . .

Zetsu lurked through the trees behind his friends. His senses told him that something wasn't completely right, he was very well connected with nature. He had actually been with Obito and Obito's friend, Kakashi, but they had suddenly disappeared and he had ended up with Hidan and Yahiko.

Zetsu had the sickly feeling that their disappearance was no coincidence.

As he thought on this he was too late to notice what happened next.

* * *

 **Obito has been planning this for awhile now, he just can't help but to terrorize his friends.  
It's in his prankster nature.**


End file.
